The Party....

My Big Sister is turning 30 tomorrow. To celebrate this occasion, we threw her a fantastic costume party. Heidi looked beautiful as the Queen of Hearts. Everyone really got into the spirit of the evening. I hope to post more pictures soon... For now, here's a peek into the funnest party I've been to all year!

Pixie Puppy.....

What a Night!

The Dolly concert was even better than I expected! We had so much fun Friday. Dinner with Uncle Mike and Aunt Joey was a BLAST! Here are just a few pics from our awesome Dolly night...

Hello Dolly!

This is going to be a GREAT Friday... Tonight after work, Becca and I are having dinner with Uncle Mike and Aunt Joey downtown. We are headed to Cereality. It's this fun new restuaraunt that serves nothing but cereal! Pretty much any cereal, and topping you can imagine is available at this place. It should be excellent! Aunt Joey and I both said that this seems like our kind of dinner...
After dinner, Becca and I are headed to The Chicago Theatre to see Dolly Parton. I'm so thrilled, I could spit! It's been a few years since I've seen her perform live and I'm just bursting with excitement. For those of you who know me, you know my long standing love of all things Dolly. She is for me, what Eminem is for Drew. She's a passion, and a safe place. Her music is where I go to heal. For years now she has comforted me. I even got to meet her when I was 15. I can close my eyes now and still feel her hug. I can't wait! God is just blessing my socks off this week! It feels so good to have my little ducks in a row again. There is such joy in having things to look forward to! Thank you again to all my prayer warriors. I can't express to you all how greatful I am to have people looking out for me. If I can return the favor one day I will. For now, just know I love you and that I feel blessed by your presence in my life.

Timing...

I have been home since Friday. During this week of stress, and trial, I've caught myself an upper respiratory infection. This actually may be more of a blessing than anything else. I've been home and had time to interview people. I've rested. I've napped most of my time away with Diva on my chest. This infection forced me to slow down and to trust God's provision. Funny how He gets your full attention when you're unable to breathe!

So, it's Wednesday now and I think I've found the right people to take care of me. I'm feeling hopeful that next week will go smoothly. Just when I think the rug has been pulled out from under me God always steps in. I'm so blessed...

Things That I'm Grateful For...

1. The tremendous amount of prayer going up for my crazy little life this week.

2. The friends and family who jump in to offer me security.

3. The network of people working around me to find the perfect assistant.

4. The cousin in berwyn who offers her time and support even when she barely has enough for herself.

5. The puppy groomer/CNA who may want to work with me.

6. The cousin in Colorado who is traveling here next week just to celebrate Heidi.

7. Dad, Heidi, Marie, Steph, Katie, Becca, Rob, Diane, Sylvia, Debbi and Kim who all offered physical help where physical help was needed.

8. Sugar free cinnamon Rolls from Pillsbury.

9. DIVA.

10. Chocolate chip cookie dough in ice cream cones.

11. The woman in Utah who offered me first dibs on a puppy this week.

12. Sugar free TWIZZLERS

13. Dolly Parton at the Chicago Theatre next week.

14. Dinner at Cereality with one of my favorite people.

15. The cute guy that repairs wheelchairs.

16. Heidi's birthday celebration.

17. Size 12 jeans.

18. Season 1 of Fraggle Rock.

19. The song "Blessed Be Your Name".

20. Laurie Notaro.

If you read this, you know how difficult things have been lately. Please comment today. What are YOU grateful for? I could sure use the boost of good will.

And The Icing On My Cupcake...

Moogi called. She cleaned my house and left my keys. Today will be her last day... Two days was not very good, but it was better than none. I don't know which end is up anymore.

And It Just Gets Better and BETTER!

So, I've entered the seventh circle of hell. Moogi is not staying until November 1st. Her daughter's condition has worsened and she's leaving Saturday. For those of you following this saga, that leaves me TWO DAYS to find an honest, hardworking, trustworthy person. No pressure right? Lets not forget also that I currently have NO ONE to help me on Saturday morning... I've not felt this unprotected since the year after my Mom died. I feel like I'm in the way. The devil whispers that things would be better without me. He tells me that people would be better off without the burden that is me. This scares the shit out of me! I'm fighting hard right now to tell Satan to kiss my ass. I am struggling to hold on to my value, and my contribution.

I am necessary

I am worthy

I will be provided for

I chant it over and over in my head, but the urge to give up is really strong right now. Please pray for me. It's scary to even type these things, but they are honest and today that's the best I can do.

The Butterfly Over My Heart...

I know there is some version of this now floating around in cyberspace, but I don't actually care. The first time someone told me this, was 8 years ago... My Mother had just died and my world was folding in on itself.

My friend said, "Mandy, when I think of you I think of a butterfly working it's way out of the cocoon. The process is long and painful for the butterfly. But did you know that if you help a butterfly out of it's cocoon it won't have built up the strength to fly? I'm watching you struggle so hard right now, and I wish I could just scoop you up out of this mess. But I know God is using this time to make you strong. I can't wait to see what you do with your wings!"

Those words, and that image have so impacted me that I carry that image with me to this day. I have a tiny blue butterfly tattooed over my heart to remind me. I may not like the trials. I may hurt like hell. But, God is going to use this to strengthen me.

Was it Worth it?

Laurie,

I know you can't answer this question. I know its like dumping my thoughts out into the void, but I have to ask it anyway. Was it worth it? I know heaven is great and all, but are you really ok with missing out on EVERYTHING? Are your eyes clear now? Can you see past your self these days? I know that you were consumed with LAURIE back in March. What about now? Can you see how you've wounded us all? The people who loved you are forever damaged thanks to your momentary blindness. Yes, we'll survive. People somehow live through these things. We'll move on and think back on you fondly. We'll remember you for who you were in this life. In fact as with most death, we'll probably glorify your memory past what you actually were. I choose to remember the real you. A beautiful, prideful, wonderful, vibrant, selfish, caring, generous, broken, intelligent, and highly stupid person whom I loved whole heartedly. A real flesh and blood woman who I admired and respected. A person so tangled in her own reality, that she couldn't see her way out. A lovely girl who cut her life short for some cruelly unexplained reason. That is who you are in my eyes. Some days I wish I could punch you. Other days I just really want to hug you. I miss your support. I miss your fire. I hate what you've done to the strongest family I know. The worst of all this, is that you can't take it back. I sit and monologue when I's rather have dialogue. You made a choice that leaves me speaking to a void. I can talk and talk. I can scream and yell. It makes not one bit of difference. It's still just me, without you.

Your bewildered cousin,

Mandy

Credit, Where Credit Is Due...

I need to raise up a handful of people today. For those of you who are praying for me and encouraging me, I can't thank you enough. There is no greater power than the God of the universe. The fact that you talk to HIM about me, is truly awesome! However, during this time of very real panic, and trial, there have been those of you who have given me the most needed of gifts. Your time, your hands, and your care mean more to me than you may ever know.

Heidi- Thank you for offering the security of your care while I'm in transition. You know my routine so well, it's the one time I feel no strain. Also, your empathy in your last blog BLOWS ME AWAY!
Steph- Thank you for your care this coming weekend. You've given me a calm moment in my storm. Diva can't wait to meet you!=)
Kim B.- Thank you for helping me last weekend. I love spending time with you and knowing that I'm safe.
Marie- Thank you for being willing to "jump in" as needed. It helps me breathe easier knowing you're there.
Dad- Thanks for always being a phone call away. You're the best UPS man EVER!
Becca- Thank you for your daily support. I've never met someone so eager to help before. I'm convinced God put you on the 4:45 for a reason!
Moogi- Thank you so much for giving me notice. The fact that you care enough to never leave me stranded speaks highly of your character. You will always have a place in MandyLand, and in my heart.

Has there ever been such a blessed girl!?!?

Well, that being said, I feel much better. I am really looking forward to this weekend. My hope is that I can interview a few people and get a feel for who's out there. If anyone knows a trustworthy person who is needing a job, please send them my way.

Mandy

21....

Happy Birthday to you

Happy Birthday to you

Happy Birthday dear Kristin

Happy Birthday to YOU!

Kristin,

I hope 21 rocks. I hope you enjoy your new freedom. I love you BUNCHES, and I'm so greatful God put you in my family. I said it to Katie, and I'll say it to you... If life is a trial by fire, you are coming up GOLDEN my beautiful cousin.

Love,
Mandy

It's ALIVE!!!!

After much stress and craziness, the wheelchair is up and running. Praise God for getting me safely home! I went to church last night, and I'm glad I was there. Aunt Barb gave me a hug and a light up tinkerbell pen! She always has just what I need. =) My heart gets so heavy worrying about having my needs met. A friend said that everyone has those worries, but it's not really the same. Everyone worries about having enough food or shelter or provisions from time to time. Only a small portion of the world knows what its like to not know how they're getting up in the morning, or how they will get to the bathroom next. These things can crush me sometimes. I know God will provide my next caregiver, I'm just so tired of the high rotation. I would love it if the next person I hire could commit to 6 months minimum. I also think that when someone quits without warning they should owe me $50.00. That way at least I can afford my newspaper add for a week!

Today is bound to be better. My life feels less hopeless today... On to bigger and better things I suppose.

Peace & Blessings to all my prayer warriors.

Mandy

Philippians 4:19 My God will supply all your needs...

Oh Bridget Jones, How I Relate!

"It is a truth universally acknowledged that as soon as one part of your life starts looking up, another part falls spectacularly to pieces." -Bridget Jones

I should be blaming myself of course. I'm the one who got comfortable. I let my guard down. I began to think my life was clicking together rather smoothly. How stupid am I? I should know better by now.

Two weeks ago my weekend assistant of three years quit with absolutely no warning. I would expect this type of behavior from many people, but coming from a friend I went to high school with, it was a slap in my face. But, whatever... I could survive that. Its only my weekend care. I can manage. WRONG! Last night, my evening support informed me that she and her family are moving back to Mongolia on November 1st! Yes, that's right folks. I'm now in the market for both evening and weekend help. This BLOWS!

It's stressful enough adjusting to one new person, but two is more than I can handle. I hate needing people some days. I can't stand having to worry about how I'm going to get home, eat, shower, and shop from day to day. I wish my life didn't always have to rely on others to function properly. Don't get me wrong, for the most part Princesshood is a gift. I meet new people. I never have to clean, or cook, or do laundry... It's a rather pampered life. However, on days like this one, I'd trade almost everything in order to do it myself.

Pray for me. I'm so tired of this merry-go-round.


Additional Note at 10:42am: Did I mention my chair is dying? The charge is on empty and I have to wait for my HMO to approve repairs. Gee, I hope I'm not stuck in Chicago til whenever!

GREAT WEEKEND!

What an awesome weekend... I kicked it off Friday with dinner and singing. Marie and Becca came over after work to hang out and eat dinner. Thanks to Becca, I now have some fresh pictures of Diva. Saturday, my best friend Kim came to mandy land to meet my puppy and catch up. I had a blast! We watched Six Feet Under, picked pumpkins with Heidi, and had a visit with Aunt Barb. Too fun! Sunday, I relaxed at home with my Diva (no potty mistakes all day!), and then I watched Cinderella with Sandy. Anyone who knows me, knows how much I LOVE Disney! Yesterday, I was off from work for Columbus Day. Lil Jenny and I went to a movie... In Her Shoes was good, but a little heavier than I was looking for. I'm still trying to find someone to go see Corpse Bride, and W&G with me. On the whole, it was a great weekend. I saw some of my favorite people. I relaxed. It was perfect. My life spins so fast lately, It's nice to slow down for a moment and breathe.

Little Miss Diva Girl...

Gee, Thanks Katie!

THE RULES: List five songs that you are currently loving. It doesn't matter what genre they are from, whether they have words, or even if they're any good, but they must be songs you're really enjoying right now. Post these instructions, the artists, and the songs in your blog. Then tag five other friends to see what they're listening to.

"Can't Keep Me Down"-PINK
"Slow Dancing With The Moon"-Dolly Parton
"Blessed Be Your Name"-Matt Redman
"Walkin' After Midnight"-Patsy Cline
"Meet Virginia"-Train

And now I tag...

Kim Brown
Becca Fradin
Heidi Miller
Steph Pelka
Greg Boncimino


YOU'RE IT!

Finally! Pictures From My Adventure With The Michel Cuties!

My little cutie boy... Entertaining himself with tupperware!

Isaiah is pretty easy to please. He doesn't require fancy toys and tons of activity. Just give him some tupperware, and a couple slices of pizza... He's good to go!