A Funny Thing Happened on the Way Home Last Night

Like any good story, I'll begin with this...

Well what had happened was...

Heidi, Marie, and I had gone to the Kenosha County fair. We had a fun time! We laughed, and played games. I even won a monkey! :)

Then around 11pm as Marie was returning me to my house, my car began making strange noises. We pulled over in Johnsburg and noticed that the car was smoking. NOT good!
So we called my dad to ask if we should stay put, or attempt to get me back home. As most of you know this van is the only vehicle available that can fit my wheelchair. Dad suggests that we cautiously head for my house and he would come over in the morning to fix it. Only problem is that as we get back in motion, the strange noises stop and now the battery light thingy in the dash is lit. Also, Marie is losing the ability to control the steering. YAY! We called my Dad again and he now says to try making it to his house. He will find some way to get me home...
We were plugging along to dad's place, and had made it to his street when the blinky engine danger noise started up. The van is over heating and as we parked in front of his house we were fully expecting the van would be blowing up soon. YIKES!

At this point, Marie and I have decided to walk home. The distance is really not too terrible, and it isn't much worse than the daily trek I used to have through the streets of Chicago. Only, in McHenry it is dark and there aren't really sidewalks. :D Don't worry though! My Dad gave us flashlights. Including one special light that I could wear on my HEAD! That's right folks, I had an actual headlight! I looked like one of the freaks from 16 CANDLES (i.e John Cusack)...
So as Marie and I are walking along River Rd, my father begins to follow us in his car to protect us from other cars. However, he starting yelling confusing instructions as to where he wanted us to walk. At one point he actually called me an asshole (I found this to be hysterical!). We parted ways with him on Miller Rd...
As we were walking, the craziness of our little adventure begins to settle in and Marie, and I get the giggles. Here I am like a jackass with the miners light strapped to my head. Walking home at midnight because my car almost blew up!

And then the police show up...

Apparently, someone reported as as "suspicious activity"! Two cop cars arrive on the scene to make sure we aren't terrorists or something... They make us wait for like 20 minutes, offer us no assistance, and finally send us on our way... Did I mention that while we were waiting with the police for their non-service I begin to laugh so hard I was crying? Marie was afraid they would think we were drunk. Its that laughter that only occurs in a mild crisis.... I'm sure some of you know what I'm talking about...

The rest of our journey would have been considered smooth, as long as you leave out the part where my wheelchair started to die on Route 31... Poor Marie's little feet were killing her by the time we walked into my apartment. I've never been so happy to be home!

How was YOUR weekend?

Rescue Me...

Today after nearly a decade of living alone... I had my very first run in with 911. For reasons unknown I fell down today. Thankfully my cell phone fell also. I was able to phone for help and now I'm back on track. It's an odd thing needing people. You don't always realize how odd until you are on the floor... Today I can honestly relate to the "help, I've fallen and I can't get up" lady!

Heidi Peszat

I wish for great things

I wish you everything good and strong

I hold your sadness in my own heart

I smile at your independence

Welcome back to yourself

Welcome to courage

You are beautiful

You are brave

You are a Peszat again

I love you bigger than words. I can't wait to see where you go from here.

This morning was okay... Aunt Karen and Steph both called to tell me they love me and that their thoughts were with me today. I really needed that. There's something about this terrible anniversary that forever ties me to Steph. That was the day we went from "cousins" to "SISTERS". Eleven years ago today, Steph held me together when my world broke apart. I'm only heartbroken to know that this year Steph had to learn the sting of that kind of lose. I wish I could have spared her that...

My Dad stopped by today. That's when today got lots worse. I can say that here because as he says "I don't want to read your blog. Who can stand all that stuff?"

I wish I remembered the me from back then. Something died inside of me then and there's just no getting it back.

Sorry this post isn't all motivational and moving. I just can't manage that today. I miss my Mother. I hate that I know her last moments. It stings to carry that. I can't pretend it doesn't.

The Song That Needs To Spill Out...

I will not make the same mistakes that you did

I will not let myself

Cause my heart so much misery

I will not break the way you did,You fell so hard

I've learned the hard way

To never let it get that far

Because of you

I never stray too far from the sidewalk

Because of you

I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt

Because of you

I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me

Because of you

I am afraid

I lose my way

And it's not too long before you point it out

I cannot cry

Because I know that's weakness in your eyes

I'm forced to fake

A smile, a laugh everyday of my life

My heart can't possibly break

When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you

I never stray too far from the sidewalk

Because of youI learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt

Because of you

I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me

Because of you

I am afraid

I watched you die

I heard you cry every night in your sleep

I was so young

You should have known better than to lean on me

You never thought of anyone else

You just saw your pain

And now I cry in the middle of the night

For the same damn thing

Because of you

I never stray too far from the sidewalk

Because of you

I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt

Because of you

I try my hardest just to forget everything

Because of you

I don't know how to let anyone else in

Because of you

I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty

Because of you

I am afraid

Because of you

Because of you

Happy Birthday...

Ten birthdays in heaven... Do they celebrate there? I hope you're having a wonderful afterlife. I can't believe how long it's been since I've seen your face. You know what hurts the most? A mother's love is unconditional. You were the one person who loved me no matter what. I don't have that now. I have an empty space where you used to be. I miss just talking to you. I miss kissing your forehead when you were tying my shoes...
Would you like me now? Would you be proud of who I've become? I hope you see a bit of you when you look at me. I'd like that.
I love you. I'm thankful for the 17 years that I knew you. I look forward to seeing you again one day.... Until then... HAPPY BIRTHDAY lovely!

Your Little Pixie,
Mandy

Too Awesome for WORDS!!!!

It is official... Benjamin Batey Fradin is a WALKING LITTLE MAN!!! Just in time for his birthday party, Ben decided to pull an extra miracle out of his hat! I am so IMPRESSED! He is Just the absolute definition of HOPE!

June 7th...

Dear Laurie,

Today is your birthday and I can't believe you're missing it. You're missing a lot actually... Babies, Heartaches, and Weddings for example.Our Steph was married last week. She held out for true love for so long and you missed out on celebrating that with her. Could you see us from where you are? Its been so long since I've seen the dimensional you. I'm starting to see you in picture form in my mind. I always think of that last Sunday together. So many words said and none of them the right ones. If there was any thought in my head that within the following week I would lose you, I wonder what I might have done differently. I guess when you hug someone for the last time, that hug is burned into you. I can still feel you there against my heart... The other day I was listening to this song and it struck me in a new "laurie" way. It was never meant for our situation, and yet it rings true. So today I post these lyrics and this letter. Today I put down another small piece of the broken pain you left me. I love you Beautiful! I carry you in what's left of my heart.

Happy Birthday!

Mandy

"Who Knew"

You took my hand
You showed me how
You promised me you'd be around
Uh huh
That's right
I took your words
And I believed
In everything
You said to me
Yeah huh
That's right
If someone said three years from now
You'd be long gone
I'd stand up and punch them out
Cause they're all wrong
I know better
Cause you said forever
And ever
Who knew
Remember when we were such fools
And so convinced and just too cool
Oh no
No no
I wish I could touch you again
I wish I could still call you friend
I'd give anything
When someone said count your blessings now
'fore they're long gone
I guess I just didn't know how
I was all wrong
They knew better
Still you said forever
And ever
Who knew
Yeah yeah
I'll keep you locked in my head
Until we meet again
Until we
Until we meet again
And I won't forget you my friend
What happened
If someone said three years from now
You'd be long gone
I'd stand up and punch them out
Cause they're all wrong and
That last kiss
I'll cherish
Until we meet again
And time makes
It harder
I wish I could remember
But I keep
Your memory
You visit me in my sleep
My darling
Who knew
My darling
My darling
Who knew
My darling
I miss you
My darling
Who knew
Who knew

One Week Ago Today...

Happy Birthday Denver!

I can not believe how time flies...

Beautiful Girl!

This picture makes me happy!This is my niece Maya wearing her birthday jewelery. I found this Hello Kitty set and new that she had to have it. The best part of this picture though is the jammies my little girlie girl is wearing. TINK! Yeah, she's definitely related... :)

Fabulous!

My little sister is MARRIED! Yesterday I was honored to be a part of Steph & Andy's big day. I am so happy for these two! I'll post pictures later. For now I'd just like to wish the newlyweds well, and send them to St. Thomas with all of my love and best wishes!

The grass is ORANGE. The sky is TEAL.

(See? I can do it too..)

The Summer of Movies!!!

I can't speak for anyone else, but I am seriously excited for this season's film line up! Here are just a few I'm interested in:

Iron Man

Narnia (Prince Caspian)

Indiana Jones

Sex & the City

Wanted

The Incredible HULK

Batman

Kung Fu Panda

WALL-E

YAY! Thet the movie goodness begin!

The Nature of Blogland...

It is my belief that blogging can bring out the best and the worst in people. It's because of the nameless, faceless nature of the thing. Sure, you see pictures and you know people in a general way... but here in blogland you can show any side of your self you choose. It's important to remember that you're only seeing what the writer is showing you. For example, If you know me from blogging you know these things:

I'm poetic

I'm broken

I'm a fighter

I love my dog

I love my family & friends

I aspire to bigger things

I've experienced great loss

I worship God and a good cup of coffee

I have an odd sense of humor

I struggle with depression

I'm in a wheelchair

I used to be fat

I value my privacy

I am a Diva

But that is only a small part of who I am. I am a survivor. I am brave. I am direct. I am unemployed. I am tired. I am occasionally heart broken. I am hopeful. I am so many things that stitch me together. I don't mind listing my "I am's" . When they are all strung together in a thread it's really quite beautiful. But I would genuinely hate it if you spent too long looking at just one element. Please remember that I am all those things.

There has been some hostility circulating in blogland these days. I'm honestly not sure what brought it on. But I'd like to say this in all honesty. Both of you are dear to me. I wouldn't wish pain on either of you. Please lay your anger to rest. It doesn't help anyone. All that we have is the present, and today things are looking up. When you blog again (which I hope you both do soon), I'd like to see more of yourselves in your writing. I know, and love you because of who you are. I look forward to you sharing that with the rest of the world. It's been so long since you've really shared your true selves.

I love you!

Mandy

Bachelorette.....

This picture makes me smile... :)

I Freakin' LOVE This Picture! :)

Thanks, Aunt Karen for the feathers...
DIVALICIOUS!

It's That Time Again...

GoodNews! Today I met with my state case worker. I am officially still a Fairy Princess! We can all go back to our regularly scheduled lives...

Puppy Luv....

This is my favorite picture of Diva and I. It's so very... US!

I especially like the matching hot pink and the t-shirt that says: REBEL (it only counts if you get caught). I think that sums us up pretty accurately. Me & Diva... Two peas in a pod.

She really is my "kid" you know... Her personality is perfectly suited to mine. Her love of coffee just proves she's being brought up right! Buying Diva Starbucks was the smartest thing I've ever done. This little crazy girl has been my friend and companion. I can't imagine my life without her.

I've decided to celebrate Puppy Mother's Day. I'm declaring May 13th from now on to be a holiday. I may never be a Mom in the traditional sense. Most of you already know I'm ok with that. Yet I am a Mom to somebody. She's got four legs, and she worships the ground I roll on. :) So Happy Puppy Mother's Day to all my animal adoring "parents"!