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When the world outside my door gets big and scary... When it all becomes impossible to manage. I take comfort in the constants. I snuggle up with Diva Starbucks and remember that I'm the whole world to someone.

30 Something....

I'm turning 30 next week. I know some people get really stressed about leaving their 20's but not me. I'm feeling very comfortable with this transition. It's like my mind and my body are finally syncing up. So what do I want going forward? I only have one goal in mind. I want to know that my life is leaving ripples....
My Mother's life is still impacting people. God knows I'm nowhere near as remarkable as her, but I like to think that I'm leaving a distinct impression on the people around me.
I hope that I inspire people in some way. We're only given this one life. One chance to be useful in the role God cast us in. I may fail a hundred times a day, but I intend to get this one thing right. May I always be open to being used by the God who created me.

HAPPY EASTER!

Happy St. Patty's Day!

Time After Time...

Years roll on and the hole in my heart scabs over. It never quite heals, but it hurts less. It's not a scare. It is an open wound. A gaping space where some of my capacity for feeling used to be.

Sometimes I still can't believe you aren't here. I carry your memory close. Your laugh, your smile, and the feel of your hand holding mine. All of it stays fresh in my minds eye. I love you. I miss you. I wish I could have stopped you from launching our lives in this trajectory...

Love Means Never....

Whoever first said "love means never saying you're sorry" should be beaten within an inch of their life. What a crock of shit! The statement is callous and cold, and downright insane. How can you love someone who apologetically hurts you? Who would sign on for this in the first place? The Bible says "love expects the best". That may be true, but life is teaching me to also plan for the worst. Love may be patient, and it may be kind, but only an idiot would let it be blind...

Thanks to Tricia for this Fabulous gift!!! I'm not sure how I'm traditionally supposed to use a recipe box... but I adore it all the same! :D

Dear Friend,

I remember when I was a child the sun rose and set on you. You were a super hero in my eyes. What has happened to those days? Perhaps some relationships just can't grow with us. As we mature, and develop we choose paths that carry us away from one another. That makes me sad. For as long as I live there will be cracks in my heart where you belong...

Yours,

Mandy

Devil Doggie... :)

Witchy Lil Thing...

I absolutely love these photos... Has there ever been a cuter puppy?!?!?

Happy Halloween!!!

Sneaky Goodness...

Last week I broke into Phil and Elizabeth's apartment. ALL WEEK! As my wedding gift to the happy couple Tricia and I stole their house keys and cleaned their place. When they came home from the honeymoon they were greeted by the site and scent of a squeeky clean home...

Sometimes I just love dishing out the unexpected!

As You Wish...

I took a quiz on Facebook.

"Which Princess Bride character are you?"

I am Miracle Max. I have to say I agree with this assessment. I'm not the lead romantic character. I'm not the one consumed with revenge. I'm not a simple minded giant with a heart of gold, and I'm not a scheming little fool. I am Miracle Max. I'm part of the fabric of the adventure. I'm vital to the story. I save the day and make you laugh. That's the perfect role for me. In the film, and in life.

This weekend Phil is marrying Elizabeth. The "theme" to their love story is The Princess Bride. It is so sweet and romantic that I would make fun of it if I didn't know how well this suited them. Phil is most definitely a Dread Pirate Roberts in life. He's an adventurer. He's quick witted and strong. He loves with all that he is. It's no wonder to me then that he found Elizabeth. His Princess Buttercup in every way. Watching them is like seeing two perfectly matched pieces coming together. It restores my view of love.

We very rarely get second chances at love in this world. Some of us don't really get first chances. It does my heart good to see what is possible. I am happy beyond words to see true love in action. I pray every day that their marriage is a good one. I don't pray for endless happiness and other unattainable things. I pray that they grow together, and change together. I pray that they appreciate each other. I hope they see every day with one another as a blessing and a privilege.


On Saturday I will witness this wedding. The business of two becoming one. I will be proud to be part of it all. It will be a celebration to remember and at the end of the day my Family will be bigger. What an awesome thing to look forward to!

Gravity...

It seems to me that life never really allows you to forget your place. I have moments when I'm literally caught off guard by my reality. Did you know that I am disabled!?! I swear to God sometimes I forget. I occasionally need to remind myself that there are people in the world who do not live like I do.

For example:

Some people get out of bed whenever they feel like it

Some people use their bathtub as a place for solitude

Some woman get men who want them just for their bodies

Some people get to hug first

Some people can pee without a schedule

Some people can get in a car and go

Don't get me wrong! I love my life. I think I'm good at it. Yet I can't help but wonder what all that freedom feels like...

A Smile On My Face...

Who could look at this and not feel that the world just got slightly better?

Welcome HOME!

Home...

You never saw this place, but I think you would like it. I've often thought of you here. I picture coffee, laughter, and all night Disneyfests. I sometimes think you'd be pleased with who I've become. There is so much of you weaved through my identity. Every now and again I even see your facial expressions in the mirror. I hear your giggle hidden inside my own.
I miss you so much. The world hasn't created enough words to describe what's in my heart. It's far more complex than I can share here. Just know that I carry you in my heart. You are with me wherever I am. You are a part of my home. Your legacy lives on.

Your Little Pixie

Very Strange Weekend...

At the fork in the road, I must choose left or right. I take a deep breath and I choose me...

Best Quote of the Week...

"Oh my God... I would have totally brought you coffee if I new your ex was gay!"

Sunday...

I am not a Mother. I do not have a Mother. Mother's Day is a painful day for me. If you've lost your Mother, and you have not created children of your own, you know exactly what I'm talking about. Everyone else will just read this, and find me bitter. I can live with that.

What I do have is Diva Starbucks. My puppy love... My faithful friend and companion. Its a kind of Motherhood. This love I have for Diva is unconditional. From the moment I first held her I knew we were Family. She is my heart. She is my protector. She is a blanket heater on cold nights. Diva sticks up for me. She cares how I'm feeling. This little puppy is tuned in to me. I know I was meant to be Diva's Mom. So for every Puppy Mom out there today...

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!

29...

This is exactly the way it should be. A great group of friends and a celebration. Flaming sugar free cupcakes too! :) I am seriously blessed...