MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!

Sharp Truth...

She can concentrate on working
Until her work is done
She can hold a conversation
As well as anyone
She'll fool you with sincerity
And if you didn't know her well
You could never see it
You could never tell

She's just looking for him
She's only remembering
She might look like she's ready to fall in love again
But she's just looking for him

She keeps one eye on the road
And one on the other lane
Looking for his car
His memories replay
She searches other faces
Trying to find that spark
But no one new can reach her
Or fill her hollow heart

Oh you better keep your distance
Don't let her reel you in
She's not quite herself now
How could she be when

She's just looking for him
She's only remembering
She might look like she's ready to fall in love again
But she's just looking for him

Wisdom From a Stranger...

"If she's amazing, she won't be easy. If she's easy, she won't be amazing. If she's worth it, you won't give up. If you give up, you're not worthy."

Happy Birthday DIVA STARBUCKS!

5 years old and still the best decision I ever made... :)

Thirteen Years....

It's hard to remember the girl I was then. Experiences like that can not help but alter a person. I used to feel safe and confident in my place in the universe. My role in day to day life made perfect sense. There's a line in a song that says "your standard of living somehow got stuck on survive". I think that describes the current me perfectly.
I've always known that my life is not like other people's. The funny thing though is that I never REALLY felt limited until that day. The day my Mother died taught me just how vulnerable I can be. I feel like I spend a lot of time now trying to build walls to protect myself.
I'm not hollow, or devoid of feelings. However, I am EXTREMELY cautious when revealing emotions to others. If you've seen me cry in the last decade, know that you are a treasured friend...
There are some things I've taken with me from the time before my life cracked. My love of all things Disney remains the same. My faith, though rattled, still holds me together. I may not have the sunshine bursting adoration of God that I had in my innocence, but He is still at the core of who I am. In a lot of ways I keep God, and my Mom in the same exact place. No matter where my life goes, or how many twists and turns I may make... They are both holding steady in the center of my heart.

Home

When the world outside my door gets big and scary... When it all becomes impossible to manage. I take comfort in the constants. I snuggle up with Diva Starbucks and remember that I'm the whole world to someone.

30 Something....

I'm turning 30 next week. I know some people get really stressed about leaving their 20's but not me. I'm feeling very comfortable with this transition. It's like my mind and my body are finally syncing up. So what do I want going forward? I only have one goal in mind. I want to know that my life is leaving ripples....
My Mother's life is still impacting people. God knows I'm nowhere near as remarkable as her, but I like to think that I'm leaving a distinct impression on the people around me.
I hope that I inspire people in some way. We're only given this one life. One chance to be useful in the role God cast us in. I may fail a hundred times a day, but I intend to get this one thing right. May I always be open to being used by the God who created me.

HAPPY EASTER!

Happy St. Patty's Day!

Time After Time...

Years roll on and the hole in my heart scabs over. It never quite heals, but it hurts less. It's not a scare. It is an open wound. A gaping space where some of my capacity for feeling used to be.

Sometimes I still can't believe you aren't here. I carry your memory close. Your laugh, your smile, and the feel of your hand holding mine. All of it stays fresh in my minds eye. I love you. I miss you. I wish I could have stopped you from launching our lives in this trajectory...

Love Means Never....

Whoever first said "love means never saying you're sorry" should be beaten within an inch of their life. What a crock of shit! The statement is callous and cold, and downright insane. How can you love someone who apologetically hurts you? Who would sign on for this in the first place? The Bible says "love expects the best". That may be true, but life is teaching me to also plan for the worst. Love may be patient, and it may be kind, but only an idiot would let it be blind...

Thanks to Tricia for this Fabulous gift!!! I'm not sure how I'm traditionally supposed to use a recipe box... but I adore it all the same! :D

Dear Friend,

I remember when I was a child the sun rose and set on you. You were a super hero in my eyes. What has happened to those days? Perhaps some relationships just can't grow with us. As we mature, and develop we choose paths that carry us away from one another. That makes me sad. For as long as I live there will be cracks in my heart where you belong...

Yours,

Mandy