Viva Las Vegas!

Well, we're off... Four days in the wildest city America has to offer! I can hardly contain my excitement. I really just can't wait to get away! More pictures to follow (assuming they don't incriminate me).

Take care!

Mandy
(aka Pink Lady #4)

Questioning God...

In all honesty I don't believe anyone can go through life and the things my family has faced without questioning God at some point. Not His existence. I've never questioned that He's there. It's His plan and timing that leave me wondering. Maybe we're not supposed to know. But I personally am worn out from waiting. That might seem terrible, but at least I'm being real, and honest now, there are three things I know today...

God is real

He loves me enough to die for me

He's big enough to get mad at sometimes

Hello God

Dolly Parton

Hello God, are you out there?

Can you hear me, are you listenin' any more?

Hello God, if we're still on speakin' terms Can you help me like before?

I have questioned your existence, My resistance leaves me cold Can you help me go the distance?

Hello God, hello, hello?

This old world has gone to pieces

Can we fix it, is there time?

Hate and violence just increases

We're so selfish, cruel and blind

We fight and kill each other

In your name, defending you

Do you love some more than others?

We're so lost and confused

Hello God, are you out there?

Can you hear us, are you listenin' any more?

Hello God, if we're still on speakin' terms Can you help us like before?

Oh, the free will you have given We have made a mockery of This is no way to be livin', We're in great need of your love

Hello God, hello, hello?

Hello God, can you grant us

Love enough to make amends

Is there still a chance

That we could start again

Hello God, we've learned our lesson

Dear God, don't let us go

More than ever Hello God, hello, hello Hello

God, we really need you

We can't make it without you

We beseech you In the name of all that's true

Hello God, please forgive us

For we know not what we do

Hello God, give us one more chance to prove ourselves to you

Hello, God; hello, God?

Dear Friend,

How are you? How are you really?

It's been so long since I've actually talked to you. I've seen your face, but never your heart. Does it bother you that we've had this distance? Do you miss me at all? I hope at the very least you are being real with someone. Even if it's not me. My heart hurts for us. I so value your friendship. Our closeness has been the stuff of legends and now it feels lost in time.
I want you to know that I'm always here. Whenever you're ready, or willing to start back up where we left off, I'll be here. I just hope you can relate to the me you will encounter after such a long absence. Till then, there is a hollow spot in my heart waiting to be filled.

Love you,

Mandy

Home

By Nicole Nordeman

Bright are the stars that shine in somebody else's sky
Green is the grass that grows some place different
More possibilities, more than You offered me
More than I care to see from a distance

I was certain that the truth would be
In a place that kept eluding me
But every stone turned and unturned again
Would only serve to prove
That I never had to move to find You

And You will always be
The only love I'll ever know, home
And You have made for me
That only place I'll ever go, home

God, for the shameless pride
The times when I rolled my eyes
To laugh at simplicity, show me mercy
Knowing what I know now it's hard to imagine how
I could feel anything but unworthy

And the mystery of Your love for me
Is not as hidden as it seemed to be
Should have known then when You said to me
"Seek and you will find"
It was right here all the time

And You will always be
The only love I'll ever know, home
And You have made for me
That only place I'll ever go, home

I believe in the quest and the journey
I believe that the answers come in time
And where we begin is where we arrive

And You will always be
The only love I'll ever know, home
And You have made for me
That only place I'll ever go, home

Then & Now...

For those of you who either forgot what I used to look like, or have just met me in the last few years... Here's my little reality check.

From April 27, 2003 to May 2, 2006

These two pictures were taken almost exactly 3 years apart.


I think I can safely stop obsessing about weight loss at this point...

A Stream of Lyrics...

Sometimes I write out musical snippets. Bits and pieces of songs that speak to me or of me. I started the practice years ago, and it's always bee very healing. I don't care if no one else "gets it". This blog is a place for me to pour out my junk. So here goes todays stream...

If it weren't for your maturity, none of this would have happened/Wild flowers don't care where they grow/Your standard of living somehow got stuck on survive/pulls her hair back as she screams "I don't really wanna be the queen"/It's like whispering a prayer in the furry of a storm/ I want to live bravely, and love without fear/And her heart it is in Ireland, deep within the Emerald Isle/ Somehow my heart never grew up. No one ever burst my balloon. So here I ams swirling in stardust, slow dancing with the moon/ Til He appeared, and the soul felt it's worth/I'm not running. I'm not hiding. I'm not reaching. I'm just resting in the arms of the great wide open. Going to pour my soul in, and I'm almost home/Like anyone would be, I am flattered by your facination with me.You speak of my love like you have experienced love like mine before/Though I am marching through the valley filled with fear my steps are sure and sturdy and my aim is straight and clear/Lovers quarrel, but sweethearts dance/There's times I'd rather kill you than listen to your honesty, but you've always been a friend to me/You've seen all my light, and you love my dark, and you're still here/I've crossed lines of words, and wire. Both have cut me deep/Freedom is calling me, and my heart races. I feel in the broken places/Pretty is as pretty does,and you're beautiful to me/This is my private war. They keep on dropping bombs, and I keep score/I've never lasted very long with someone like you. I never did although I have to admit I wanted to/You say it best when you say nothing at all/Where are all my angels? Where's my golden one? Where is my hope now that my heros have gone?/What part of our history is neglected and under rug swept?/Oh stop the world and let me off/Am I not pretty enough? Is my heart too broken? Do I cry too much? Am I too outspoken? Don't I make you laugh? Should I try it harder? Why do you see right through me?/

Daisies.....

You know how I know that my sister is the greatest?

She actually shows up when I need her. Lately I've needed her love and support a lot.
Between health issues, PA troubles, and overall craziness, I've seen a lot of my sister lately. How lucky am I?

Last night when I got home from church there was a flower arrangement on my counter. Heidi stopped off and bought me a bouquet of daisies just to say "I LOVE YOU!"

I think she knew I needed the encouragement.

Thank you Heidi for the lovely flowers, for loving me, and for protecting me. You are more to me than you may ever know.

Heidi has her yearly review at work today. Please take a moment and stop by her blog. I'm sure she could use some encouraging comments.

Dear Laurie,

Happy Birthday!

I hate you. I love you. I miss you.

It's been so long since I've seen you that I can barely remember who I was then. To say you've missed a ton is an unbelievable understatement. You've missed it all. Poor you. Lucky you. I heard you sing today, but I didn't cry. I cry when I think of your laugh. For me, that's when you're gone the most. Oh, how I miss hanging out with you! I miss when the pieces seemed to fit. I miss your encouraging words. I miss sharing with you what God is doing in our hearts. I miss late night chats and hour long hugs. You stole from me Laurie. You took away a valued friendship without asking. You destroyed other relationships as well. Not just yours, but mine too. We're all changed by this healing scare. None of us relate the same anymore. We love each other, but now it's slightly at a distance. No one feels safe up close since you left. It's not all your fault, but it sometimes feels like it is...
Is heaven lovely? God, I wish you could write me a note from the other side! "weather is beautiful, wish you were here"... How cool would THAT be? Drop me a rainbow, or a shooting star if you get the chance. I'll take that as your new version of a text message.
Well beautiful birthday girl, I need to get back to my day. I just couldn't let the day pass without expressing how I'm feeling. I hate you. I love you. I miss you.

Love,

Mand

Assisted Living...

I would like to say "Thank you" for the kind suggestion of an assisted living condo. I'm sure loads of people have thought that up for me as a great solution. However, it's just never going to happen. I am way too independent and active to move into that lifestyle. Losing my "normality" would not be worth the consistency of care in one of those places. At least here, I can hire and fire people at will. In a care facility you are given far less control over your environment. As much as I do hate going through this stuff, I'd be far more miserable if I had to change how my life is managed. I don't need a nurse, a nanny, or a babysitter. I simply need honest, hard working people who care about keeping a Fairy Princess afloat.

Lets all just pray that I find what I need.

God Bless!

Mandy

Now Would Be A Good Time To Give Up...

But I won't!

Pray for me friends. I'm in WAY OVER MY HEAD. It seems like this happens every few months or so, but here we are again. I'm in the market for not one, but two assistants. Thankfully my weekday mornings are still covered, but everything else is up in the air. I don't need to go into details, but for reasons beyond anyone's control, both of these ladies are no longer able to work for me.
Please pray that I find the exact right people to care for me. I'm so very tired of this stuff. I know that I'll be ok, but some days I just can't feel it.

Three Years...

I make it a point not to dwell too much on my personal weight loss. I'd hate to have come this far just to get mired down in self examination. I did not have gastric bypass surgery to become a super model. Being a size 2 was never my goal. Yet, I have to say, three years and 156lbs later, I feel really good! I now officially weigh less than half of my original weight. I may not be dropping pounds daily, but I've managed a healthy balancing out. I'm soft, but not unhealthy. I'm exactly me, and that's just perfect!

I know most people worry too much about body image and personal appearance these days. May I make one suggestion? Put it all down, and just enjoy the one life God gave you!

Once a week we should all do the following:

Find a quiet place to sit and talk with God

Indulge in a fabulous desert

Call a friend and encourage them

Do one thing you would regret not doing before you die

Last year on this day I posted my thoughts 2 years after surgery. I feel the need to share them again one year later...

Posted 6/2/05

"So, what have I learned in two years? I've learned that losing weight doesn't magically "fix" what's broken. I've learned that being healthy does not mean I need to be anyone else but me. I've learned that scars heal. I've learned that God keeps His promises in my life. I've learned that sometimes you have to go through long periods of darkness, but the sun will shine again.Today I pray each of you feel renewal and hope!"