Dear Laurie,

Happy Birthday!

I hate you. I love you. I miss you.

It's been so long since I've seen you that I can barely remember who I was then. To say you've missed a ton is an unbelievable understatement. You've missed it all. Poor you. Lucky you. I heard you sing today, but I didn't cry. I cry when I think of your laugh. For me, that's when you're gone the most. Oh, how I miss hanging out with you! I miss when the pieces seemed to fit. I miss your encouraging words. I miss sharing with you what God is doing in our hearts. I miss late night chats and hour long hugs. You stole from me Laurie. You took away a valued friendship without asking. You destroyed other relationships as well. Not just yours, but mine too. We're all changed by this healing scare. None of us relate the same anymore. We love each other, but now it's slightly at a distance. No one feels safe up close since you left. It's not all your fault, but it sometimes feels like it is...
Is heaven lovely? God, I wish you could write me a note from the other side! "weather is beautiful, wish you were here"... How cool would THAT be? Drop me a rainbow, or a shooting star if you get the chance. I'll take that as your new version of a text message.
Well beautiful birthday girl, I need to get back to my day. I just couldn't let the day pass without expressing how I'm feeling. I hate you. I love you. I miss you.

Love,

Mand