Willow Creek

I've been a member of WCCC for the past 6 years. I've been an attender for 24 years. Having grown up in "the big church", there are a million things I take for granted when it comes to how ministry is done. I get frustrated when we are misunderstood. I get sad when we make mistakes. Yet always, I think we've been a church for the lost and the found. Even when I step away for a while, Willow still feels like home when I roll through the door.

If you get a chance, read today's post by Shaun Groves (see SHLOG in my links column). I found it interested from an outsiders perspective.

Good Weekend...

I spent the weekend with my best friend Kim. It was so nice to relax and just be...

I'm feeling a lot better this week. I'm making some drastic changes and my heart is better for it. I'll have to write about that later I suppose. For now, I hope all my readers have a blessed week.

Mandy

The Stuff Nobody Says...

I'm so tired of the perky shit. I'm just really done with worrying about how things appear on the outside. I'm not saying that being upbeat and happy means you're fake, but when things get ugly just stop sugar coating it. You want genuine? You want honest? Here goes...

I'm thankful I'm saved, but sometimes I want to punch God in His unseen face

I love my family, but I don't always like my family

I can't fix the world and I don't always see the point in trying

It feels like the only guys who find me attractive are fall down drunks

My body fat used to act like a shield, and now I feel naked

I can count my close friends on one hand with extra fingers

I still relive my mothers death in my mind

I may have already had the one great love of my life

I think it takes uncommon bravery to date me

I've never felt more alone than I have in resent months

Sometimes I think God is laughing at me

There are moments when I would trade anything to be able to do things myself

Why can't I just buy my sister a family?

The two times in my life that I felt suicidal were directly linked to my support system

Sometimes I'm an orphan

I wish I had been able to stop Laurie

I wish I could stop other smart people from making stupid choices

The last good night of sleep I had was on a cruise ship

The thought of dying young doesn't scare me, and I'm not suicidal

I'd like to get in a car and drive for hours

I long for the moment I can wake up from this twilight zone

I wish I would leave my mark on the world

It would be so nice if everyone said what they never say...

My Big Sister...

Have you ever been so blessed to know someone that it knocks you off your feet sometimes? That's Heidi Marie Miller for me. There are actually moments when I'm so thankful for this girl that tears well up in my eyes.
From the moment I was born, she's been my protector. This sweet, soft spoken lady has been fierce as a tiger when needed. Yet, she's so unimaginably gentle...
She has loved me more unconditionally than any other person in my life. She brings balance to my stormy nature and adores me despite all my huge flaws. She sees my ugly spots and she still keeps me.
Needing people gets old really fast. Sometimes I just want to melt away. Those are the times my Heidi steps in and does something to make me feel powerful again. She's been restoring my sense of self for as long as I can remember.
My sister and I compliment each other perfectly. I hold the lantern, and she chops the wood! It's so much more than how I know it looks on the outside. The dutiful big sister, and her needy crippled baby sister.... That's just not our story. We're a pair. A Ying & Yang. She needs me as much as I need her. I swear we were supposed to be conjoined twins, but God made me wait 5 years to be born. We are one heart functioning in to bodies. It's beautiful really. More people should experience this type of relationship.


Heidi,

I love you bigger than my biggest words. I thank God for making you. You are strong. You are beautiful. I will always stay standing tall. How do I know? Because you are my SISTER!

Mandy

A Toast!

Thank you for loving me

Thank you for looking after me

Thank you for your concern

Thank you for not judging me

Thank you for supporting me

Thanks for the shoulder

Thanks for the hug

Thanks for being there

Thanks for holding me up

For all the tears we've cried together

For all the late night laughter

For all the words of encouragement

For all the spilled out garbage

Thank you

Thank you

Thank you

What else can I say but thank you to all my devoted friends

Whatever...

Alright God. I got the message. Thanks! I'll take this as a flaming "NO". On to stuff that matters...

Dear God,

I sit here today, and I wait for a miracle. You are capable of this, so please show up big! I'm trusting you to see this thing through. I'm asking you to get involved. I have waited patiently, but I'm done now. Please be the source of all good things. I can't take anymore. I'm at my last straw. Please be all powerful for me. Just this once.

Thank You,

Your Loving Daughter Mandy


1 Chronicles 4:10
He was the one who prayed to the God of Israel, "Oh, that you would bless me and extend my lands! Please be with me in all that I do, and keep me from all trouble and pain!" And God granted him his request.

Wednesday Blessings!

I am a blessed girl! This morning when I got to work, my assistant surprised me with a lovely cup of Starbucks coffee and a gift card to buy another later. If you know me, you know that coffee is my "love language", my drug of choice, my favorite food group, and my over all joy! Starbucks is often referred to as my MOTHER SHIP... So, I'm sure you can imagine my delight. I'm continually amazed at how a small gesture like a cup of coffee can make a person feel valued. I wish everyone today Peace, Love, and Frappuccino!

The You Inside...

Who are we when no is watching? Have you ever noticed how contrasted this thing is? I can go from charming and sweet to rage filled and evil at the snap of the fingers. I'm constantly amazed at the amount of stuff we can keep to ourselves. How many times have I felt devastated inside, ad yet I smiled through it so I wouldn't weigh anyone else down. I shudder to think of all the times in my life that I looked someone in the eye, held a light conversation, and never let them see the real me. If I'm completely honest with myself, I've cursed Laurie a million times for being such a master at disguising pain. Yet I'm exactly the same. I tell myself strange little things. Like "there's no time for your problem", or "other people need more help than you". "Now is just not a good time for a melt down", or "there will be time for that later". The truth though.... My pain is as real and as pressing as anyone else's. My emotions are just as important as every one else's. There are no brownie points for holding it all together. No one will ever congratulate me for suffering silently. All that we have is today, and for today I choose to be genuine. I choose to speak truth. I will be broken and I will be brave. But mostly, I will be me...