Like petrified wood after a fire, I feel I've been left frozen in place. Silently screaming from somewhere deep inside. So many dead layers to peel away. At my core the heart keeps beating. I'm trying desperately to break free. This process is beyond painful. It seems whenever you deal with old wounds the sting intensifies. Loss shapes who we become for better or worse. I'd like to say that I'm a stronger, better person after all I've been through but that wouldn't be quite true. I can't help but wonder what my life would look like if my heart hadn't gone into protection mode. Would I be warm and affectionate? Would I love without caution? Would I trust in things unseen? The truth is, we don't get a say in what life throws at us. All we can do is remain standing.
So I'll rest in the knowledge that I'm not done yet. I'm still here. I'm surviving. No matter what I've become, I am still full of purpose. I have to believe I can be useful just as I am. If God does His best work with damaged people, I look forward to the work He has for me...
1 comment:
I know exactly what you mean and I'm starting to realize that most of us are like you described. Who hasn't been hurt? Who hasn't been disappointed? Who hasn't been robbed? I guess, someone who hasn't lived.
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