25 Years And Counting...

Recently, I find my self reflecting on the days of my childhood. I love being an adult, but It's odd to think how far I've come. It may seem odd when I say this, but I never felt disabled growing up. My childhood was filled with love, laughter, and amazing support. In fact, my first exposure to the vulnerability of my situation came at the age of 17. My mother passed away suddenly, and for the first time ever, I was helpless. For anyone who knows me, you know how much a truly hate relinquishing control. As much as this whole experience damaged me, it also made me stronger. Knowing what you are made of really helps when heartbreak strikes. My closest friends have always been family. My cousins were more like sisters. We would spend full weeks together in the summer. We were the ones who knew every secret thing about each other. The best part about family like mine was that you always had someone to hold you when things turned ugly. We've been through more rough patches than most, but up until recently we've always relied on one another. My heart burns when I think about how distant that security feels now. We're in it each alone now it seems. We have to navigate our lives without safety nets. I pray we each survive. When I was younger I believed without question. God was seen in simple, childlike ways. I know several people who were disillusioned as they matured. It's as if the curtain was pulled back on their faith, revealing "the great and powerful oz" to be a mere little old man. This has not been the case with me. Yes, I went through a period of rebellion and doubt, but as I grew older, my connection to faith has strengthened. Each time I dig deeper, I unearth a new level of truth in Jesus. It's so much more than "Jesus Loves Me", and yet it's still just that simple. Jesus does love me. The Bible DOES tell me so! More importantly, He wants to know me. Life is short and painful, and amazing. Praise God for never asking us to do it alone! I could feel cheated, or wounded if I look back on what has changed over the last 25 years. Yet strangely enough, that's not how I see it. I miss my mom, but I'll see her again. I miss having a close relationship with my cousins, but at least I'm not alone. I still have a fantastic family. I'm just learning to rely less on others. But, most importantly, I'm relying on Him who strengthens me. I can't wait to see what He has in store next!

Life, Liberty, and The Pursuit of Happiness...

This time off has been so valuable. I'm sleeping better than I have in months. I'm getting my spirit realigned for this new year. Diva and I are enjoying each other's company. Praise God for His timing. I'm going a little stir crazy being locked up in my house, but it's been good for me too. Steph stopped by this week, and it was great to really talk to someone. Possibility seems to be hanging in the air right now.... I can't wait to see where this year takes me. I feel like 2005 was the year of tragedy and broken hearts. I'm praying that we can all rebuild this year. So much energy has gone into grief recently... I'm vowing to work my way out of that this year. I owe it to my self to find joy. I hope you can all do the same.

A Brief Pause...

I started my medical leave today. For the next few weeks I'll be home resting, and visiting my doctors. While I'm home, I'll also be fixing my van from the accident. It should be a good time for me over all. I'm starting this year with a much needed rest. I so need to slow down and get myself together. Pray for me all. Pray for health, wellness and strength in the new year. I'll keep you posted, but for now I'm going to go hang out with my Diva girl.

God Bless,

Mandy