Unnecessary...

All this pain is just so unnecessary. All of it seems utterly senseless. It feels like we're being tested. It's a challenge that asks the question "how much shit can you take before you pop?" I'm so done being the test subject. My whole family is being damaged, and I'm helpless to stop any of it. If I had my way things would be so different...

Wellness would come in a chocolate coated pill. Babies would be given to the most deserving first. Bodies would not be eaten away by illness. We'd all go home in chariots like Elijah. Families would be unbreakable. Love would always win. Fear would be cast out. Death could take a hike, and suicide would not ever be on the list of available options.

It's more than just Laurie that started this chain of events. But her choice certainly added the largest heap to the pile. I used to think that suffering on earth was for seasons at a time. For example: My mother died horribly before my eyes and I thought I would never be well again. My life changed dramatically, but it all turned into good eventually. This stuff that is breaking now does not feel the same. It's like we've entered a place so tragic, we may never fully dig our way out. That's our legacy now. We're that broken family that always holds to our faith.

My faith is not shaken. However, my sense of peace is blown to bits. I have no reassurance that things will ever improve here on earth. I'm just so thankful that one day I get to go home. The task now is to live my life well without adding anymore drama to the lives of the people around me.