This Girl I know...

I know this Lovely Girl

She has a smile as big as the sky

This Beautiful Girl brings hope to others

She has the gift of encouragement

This Fantastic Girl has carried deep pain in her heart

She has witnessed death firsthand

This Remarkable Girl forgets her own value

She doesn't see how much she is loved

This Sparkling Girl guards her emotions

She doesn't ever want to disappoint you

This Radiant Girl once lost hope

She decided to end her life...

Dear Laurie,

We're here again. Two years without my dear sweet girl. I so wish you hadn't left. You set the earth turning slightly off axis. Would you still have gone through with it if you knew how things would play out? I was right there. You could have opened up. I would have held you. I would have been brave and told you that you were not alone in your despair... I have a confession for you my Lovely, Beautiful, Fantastic, Remarkable, Sparkling, Radiant Girl..... These words I have written were not originally about you. It's part of something I wrote nine years ago in therapy after my own decision to leave. I too felt lost and alone. Isn't it funny how self involved suicide really is? Hopelessness momentarily blinds us from reality. If you had only told me that night two years ago how dark you really felt, I would have done anything in my power to show you a bit of light. But, you didn't do that did you? You left yourself no window. There was not the slightest hint to be seen. I've accepted that now. I couldn't save you from your choice because you didn't want to reach out for help. I think that stings the deepest. You were my friend Laurie. You were so much more than a cousin. I miss everything about you, and sometimes it steals my breath away. So today I'll tuck you away inside my heart and wait for the day I see you again. I love you Beautiful.

All my heart,

Mandy