Fresh Starts....

It seems like all around me there are new beginnings brewing. People I love are getting married!Others I know are getting divorced... Where will the next year take us? So many things change in a blink. I find myself getting excited! I'm looking forward to change, and new beginnings. I feel like letting go of past baggage. I know spring is supposed to be the season for these feelings, but for me fall has always brought out my hopeful side.

Going Home...

There was a great homecoming this weekend in heaven. As hard as it is to except loss, I'm comforted in knowing that my mom was there to greet my "Uncle Dad".

My thoughts and prayers go out to Aunt Karen, Joe, and Steph. Our earthly family just won't be the same without Uncle John.

DIVA STARBUCKS...

Today is my baby's second birthday! It feels like I've had her forever...

That's What I'm Talkin' About!

Today was another big first for me. Today I was a guest on am 1290 WMCS! Cassandra McShepard hosts an afternoon talk show called "That's What I'm Talkin' About" and today I had the opportunity to share my thoughts with her for about an hour. Too Fun!

How did this come about you ask?

Last week, while Heidi and I were in Milwaukee I made myself a new friend at the casino. After talking for a short while, I mentioned my public speaking and also my book that I am writing. It turns out that she is a producer of this radio talk show. I gave her my card so that we could keep in touch. The next thing I knew, she was calling me about participating in the show! So cool how things work out...

I had a great time, and with any luck I'll get a chance to dish again with Cassandra someday... For now, it was a great life experience!

Ten Years...

It's pretty startling how much a person can experience in a decade. If you had told me on this day in 1997 that in just a few short minutes life as I knew it would disappear I would never have believed you. This past decade has shaped me in ways I can't even express. Some very good things have happened in this time. Some truly horrible things as well.... Nothing on earth prepares a person for the loss of a parent. In a moment everything can change. I often wonder if my Mother would be proud of who I've become. When she last saw me, I was a completely different person. Would she enjoy my personality? Would she be proud of my accomplishments? I like to imagine that she would. However, I'm certain I've let her down now and again. I'm hardened now. Some of my softness has crumbled away. Some wounds have left deep scars. I think the hardest thing about losing a mother is that they are the one person who loves you no matter what. You can't lose a mother's devotion. Even if you try. They love you in spite of your broken bits....

Dear Mom,

I love you bigger than words! I hope the fireworks are beautiful where you are. I look forward to the day when I can hug you again...

Love always,
Mandy

Birthdays!

This week is full of birthdays. Denver, Laur, Kim... All in a neat little row. I love each of these people in such different ways.

I love watching Denver grow into who he's going to be. He's such a bright enthusiastic young man.

I love Laur in a sisterly, "love you just because" kind of way. Time and space doesn't change the fact that she's still shaping my world.

And then there's Kim.... I can't imagine my life without her. She's been my best friend since second grade. She's my refuge when the world gets crazy. She challenges me and builds into me. she loves me unconditionally.

I'm so blessed by all three of these wondrous people. What a week to celebrate!

The Art of Healing...

It's funny to me how one simple act or choice can destroy years of hard earned relationship. Someone you have trusted with your heart for decades can turn against you in a moment. Nothing on earth hurts more than having your emotional security blanket yanked out from under you. These are the things that leave scares for life and in some cases, open wounds that never heal. People heal at different paces I suppose. I know I for one am still fully damaged by the course things have taken over the last few years. So many different forms of loss and hurt... I am less forgiving than some, and more forgiving than others. I'm trying to rebuild wherever possible. I'm not as open as I used to be. I protect my heart in a crusty shell I've built for it. I measure my words. I guard my thoughts. I am slow to love. Even slower to trust. Yet that is my journey. I would never for a moment tell someone else how to feel. It would be as useless as assuming we all grieve in the same way at the same time. How foolish! Who could ever heal like that?

The Continued Blessing...

Two years ago today my sister and I were gifted with a fabulous Disney vacation. Whenever I'm feeling overwhelmed or emotionally tapped, I think back to those days. That vacation was the ultimate experience in relaxation and healing for me. To the lovely couple who still wish to remain anonymous, thank you a million times over. I'm not sure I'd be here today if not for you.

Mandy

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAYA!

Best birthday wishes today for the sweetest big girl I know... Kisses and hugs for Maya on her day!

Love,
Aunt Mandy

Happy Mother's Day!

Benjamin Batey Fradin

I have a new nephew! My sweet friends Mike & Becca have a beautiful new son. He's having quite a rough start to his journey, but I'm not worried. Speaking as someone who also had a rough beginning, I can honestly say he's perfect. He's exactly who God made him to be and he couldn't ask for a more remarkable family. Please pray for this little cutie as he tackles some pretty intense health issues.

Thanks!

Wow!

My birthday present from Heidi this year absolutely takes my breath away.... She purchased it over a month ahead of time and has been showing everyone what she bought (everyone but me that is). When it finally came time to open this long awaited gift I was somewhat surprised to find a glass tomato... For so long I had heard that she bought me a gift I had always wanted and that it was going to be soooo special. I was completely dumbfounded when a glass TOMATO was the grand finale. Turns out Heidi was just setting me up. In truth she had bought me the most beautiful diamond earrings and cross. I teared up when I saw it. Was there ever such a sister in all the world before Heidi? I am truly blessed!

27 And Counting...

I am seriously the most spoiled girl I know.

So many people start hating birthday celebrations as they get older, but I have to say it just gets better and better for me each year. I can't help but feel hopeful as my birthday rolls around. It's like my very own marker for fresh starts. Each year I wonder how I will change, who I'm becoming, and where I will go from here. My favorite thing to do on my birthday is surround myself with the people I love the most. The people who make me feel good about me. I'm such a blessed girl. I definitely got the cream of the crop when it comes to friends and loved ones! Many thanks to the people who make me special...


Love, Mandy

Bridgeway...

Today I need to write about my beautiful Big Sister. Heidi, you are a one of a kind lady and I'm thankful I know you. You are strong. You are resourceful, and you are going to be just fine. I love you bunches and I can't wait to see where you go next! Love Always, Manny

This Girl I know...

I know this Lovely Girl

She has a smile as big as the sky

This Beautiful Girl brings hope to others

She has the gift of encouragement

This Fantastic Girl has carried deep pain in her heart

She has witnessed death firsthand

This Remarkable Girl forgets her own value

She doesn't see how much she is loved

This Sparkling Girl guards her emotions

She doesn't ever want to disappoint you

This Radiant Girl once lost hope

She decided to end her life...

Dear Laurie,

We're here again. Two years without my dear sweet girl. I so wish you hadn't left. You set the earth turning slightly off axis. Would you still have gone through with it if you knew how things would play out? I was right there. You could have opened up. I would have held you. I would have been brave and told you that you were not alone in your despair... I have a confession for you my Lovely, Beautiful, Fantastic, Remarkable, Sparkling, Radiant Girl..... These words I have written were not originally about you. It's part of something I wrote nine years ago in therapy after my own decision to leave. I too felt lost and alone. Isn't it funny how self involved suicide really is? Hopelessness momentarily blinds us from reality. If you had only told me that night two years ago how dark you really felt, I would have done anything in my power to show you a bit of light. But, you didn't do that did you? You left yourself no window. There was not the slightest hint to be seen. I've accepted that now. I couldn't save you from your choice because you didn't want to reach out for help. I think that stings the deepest. You were my friend Laurie. You were so much more than a cousin. I miss everything about you, and sometimes it steals my breath away. So today I'll tuck you away inside my heart and wait for the day I see you again. I love you Beautiful.

All my heart,

Mandy

Love, Cupid, and all that Crap...

Today is Valentine's Day. A day for everyone to celebrate the love that they are in. If you are in love, then I'm very happy for you and the joy that you feel on this day.

For the rest of us, this holiday is like Jewish folks at Christmas time.

So please excuse me if I don't gush poetic. I was told today that I "must be bitter because no one loves me on Valentine's Day". As if this holiday isn't already a kick in the teeth to all single people. Now those who are happily in relationships feel compelled to stomp on you while you're down.

Call me crazy, but I'm usually pretty happy on my own. I like knowing I'm complete all on my own. Does that make me wrong? Am I sick because I don't do well in a "we"? I guess so...

So this post I dedicate to all my single friends. I'll never use some bogus cliche like " the right person is out there. Just hang in there". Instead I'll say this one thing. "May you know yourself. May you love yourself enough to be solid on your own. If the right person comes your way, I hope you are happy enough with yourself that you're ready for it."

Just Had To Post...

Me & Diva this afternoon...

Resolution

In the new year it is customary to think of the word resolution in terms of one's resolve to improve or change something. People make resolutions that they live up to for about a week. The problem with this system is that no one ever really experiences a long term conversion.

This year my mind leans towards another meaning for the word. Resolution also means clarity, or sharpness. That is my own personal wish for this new year. I want to have a clear vision for my future. I want to know with certainty that I'm fulfilling my life's purpose. I'm praying that this year God will use my small life for great things. So many things have changed for me in the last few months. I need to believe I'm here for a reason.

Happy New Year all!

God bless!