Dear Laurie,

So many things I'd like to say, but none of it really matters. My feelings, or opinions on any given subject don't really change a thing. It's Christmas. You're gone. This sucks.

This weekend, I was reminded again of how much you've already missed. Heidi and I babysat Hayden and Reece Saturday. Hayden is growing like a weed. He's such a sweet little man. And REECE! Laurie, he's the happiest baby you've ever seen! But you haven't seen... You didn't get to meet this nephew. My heart aches with the realization that all these beautiful children in our family are going to miss out on growing up with Aunt Laurie.

You missed the ornament exchange. Club met at Jen's house Sunday. We drank egg nog and listened to Steph and Heidi recite The Night Before Christmas. We laughed, and enjoyed ourselves. It was good to be together. There is a scar on our "club" though. We feel your absence and it wounds us. You've wounded a lot of folks with your leaving...

Are you sorry at all? Does Heaven allow you to see the aftermath? These are questions that can't be answered, but I think them anyway. I know that one day I'll see you again. I know that the joyful spirit of my beautiful girl will be revived when next we meet. I'm pretty sure I won't even be angry anymore. But for now Laur, in this moment, today I'm angry. I can't help it. I can't stop it. You killed my friend. And I'm angry.

I love you Laurie. I can still do that when I'm angry, because that's what family is. I love you bigger than you know. Hug my Mom for me. Sing Happy Birthday to Jesus. I'll talk to you again soon.

All my Heart,
Mandy