OKAY...

I'm OK. I'm OK. I'm OK. I'm fine. Things are fine. We're doing fine. Good. Good. Good. Things are good.....

I'm tired. I'm tired of blanket responses and generic replies. Yes, some days I AM okay. But what about when I'm not? It seems like there is so much pain around me, that there is no room for one more hurting girl. It's very isolating. With the exception of a few select people, I have not had a real conversation with my family members in months. It's hard enough going through life without a mom, but now it feels like my "Support Beams" have slid away too. At 25, am I supposed to no longer need that kind of support? I'm not sure I can make it alone. To be honest, I don't want to...
So many wonderful things are happening around me. I bring Diva home Sunday, I'm almost done with the flooring project in my house, my sister is trying to make me an auntie, I'm throwing a party next month, and I'm almost done with my schooling. In some ways, I'm so blessed I could burst! Yet I still carry a sad weight in my chest. Laurie, MY LAURIE, the last person I feared losing, has deliberately chosen to miss out on life. Am I evil for being angry still? By comparison, MY life SUCKED next to hers. She was beautiful, talented, capable of doing ANYTHING! What kind of message is that to the rest of us? I for one, choose to keep moving forward. I'll take the good, and the bad, and the sorrow, and the joy. I never want to hurt anyone as badly as she's hurt me. Maybe part of it is the not saying of the thing....

To everyone I know:

I love you. I love what God is doing with your life right now.
Please choose to live. The world would have a gaping hole if you were gone.
I may forget to tell you, but you're needed. I NEED you!
It's important that you stay. We can do this journey together.
Don't lose hope.

But whatever, I'm done babbling. I'm ok. Everything is fine.....