Six Months...

I can't believe we're here already. Some days it feels like a distant memory. Yet there are moments when I close my eyes and the loss is so fresh. Will we ever be the same? No, I think not. Will we endure? I'm positive that we will. Over the past six months, I've seen such tremendous strength in the core of my family. I've also see beautiful vulnerability. The tragedy that has rocked us, has reaffirmed our character. We are survivors. We are rebuilding our hearts. We are a work in progress. We are still standing. I don't pretend to know why this has all happened. I'll never get my mind around Laurie's choice to leave. I wish I could make her take it back. For selfish reasons, I want her here with me. And then I think of the countless people who have told us that seeing the aftermath of Laurie's death has caused them to rethink taking there own lives. I believe that God makes good things come out of our bad choices. Did He want Laur to cut in line at the pearly gate? NO! Is He going to use it for the greater good? ABSOLUTELY! The pain of losing my beautiful cousin is more intense than I can express, but I take some comfort in knowing that lives are being preserved because of all this. Because of the brave openness of my family in sharing their grief, other families are being spared. That doesn't heal the wound completely, but for me, it helps.

Today I pray for all those struggling with depression, and suicidal thoughts.... Don't give in to that voice. There are people who need you here and now. God loves you, and He has a plan for your life. I pray you allow yourself to continue on your journey. If you are in a place where things are getting too big, I pray you get help today! Call someone, be honest about your thoughts. Allow the people around you to share your burdens. It is not God's plan that you should be isolated, or alone. I pray you find a glimmer of hope today.

Six months down and a lifetime to go. I wonder what the next months and years will bring...