Does this wheelchair make my butt look big?

In all seriousness, I spend entirely too much time worrying about outward stuff. In the last 18 months I have lost 100+ pounds. So why on earth do I care so much about looking "fatty" today or my smushy middle? It seems like a hideous waste of energy. I've spent a lot of time over the past few days rereading emails from Laurie during her time in Mexico. She was one of my biggest supporters as I prepared for gastric bypass. We were both leaning so hard on God then. Prayers like "God if it's your will...". And now after all this time, and all these blessings, it feels like we both lost sight of God's plan... I will be honest and say that at some point after having the surgery, I stopped praising God for making it possible. As my body has literally melted away, I've forgotten to thank Him for making me healthy again. At some point, I convinced myself (not consciously of course) that I did this myself. That somehow I'm responsible for these blessings in my life. That is how Satan has distracted me. He even tried to tell me just last week That I am in control of this mind crushing grief. That I'm in it alone. Satan is a BIG FAT LIAR! I praise God for this "reality check". I am NOT alone! I am loved and cherished by a God that is cradling me at this very minute. I am wonderfully made in His image. He knows His plan for me. All I have to do is show up, and listen for His voice. I can't promise that I won't drift. I'm human after all... But I will say this, I will do everything in my power to keep God fresh in my mind. Even when I'm angry at Him, questioning Him, I still want to feel His presence. I don't know what Laurie was thinking in her final moments... I wish I could have read back to her all her wonderful encouragements. I wish I was there to remind her that God is bigger than people. That He loves her beyond her imagination. Beyond human parameters. I am just so thankful that He was there with her even in those moments. And mostly that she saw His face in the moments that followed. I've been learning a lot from Laurie's life and death. I have a TON of questions, emotions, and struggles. But right this minute I'm learning that I want to be here to see what God will do with my life (yours too). Yes, I wrestle with being a pudgy cripple, but I'm thrilled to be on this journey. Mostly, because I know that God made me on purpose...