Reality Check

Heidi, Eeyore, Me...

It's been one month since the Disney trip. I'd love to say I'm healed of all my heartbreak, and all is right with the world. But, I'm afraid that's just not how life works. Getting away really helped me clear my head. I needed fresh perspective. It was so nice to spend time with my sister in the happiest place on earth. I wish I could go back. My real life is pressing in on me. Even there, I could not fully block out Laurie's death. I hate that this is real. I hate that my family has to "recover" from another loss. I wish I could fix what is broken. Will we ever surface from this? God I hope so...
Tonight is my last session of grief support at Willow Creek. I think I'm really ready for it to be over. I feel like each time I go there I'm reopening a wound that is trying to heal. It has been a great place to share and reflect, but I'm ready to move on now. Laurie is in my head and my heart, but I can't keep reliving this pain. I want to celebrate life and all it has to offer! I think my brother put it best. He said "losing loved ones makes appreciate life more. I want to grieve when I need to, but I don't want to miss out on living my own life to the fullest." That's how I'm feeling about the grief process right now. I don't want to hide from the pain or ignore it. But, what I really don't want to do, is get so lost in the grief that I no longer enjoy my one and only life. I want to be fully present in all that I do. I don't want to miss one moment of the good stuff God has for me.