Fresh Ink...

This weekend I turned 25. Some friends and family took me out to celebrate. To commemorate this quarter century event, my favorite big sister bought me a tattoo. I now have a tinkerbell on my lower back. I absolutely LOVE it! I love that it makes me think of my sister and reminds me that our relationship is permanent. She'll always be my big sister, and for that I'm thankful.
I had such a great weekend. It felt good to be out among friends. Heidi, Marie, Steph, Katie, Jen, Lil Jen, Tiffany, Robyn, Brian, Jim, thank you all for making my Birthday a BLAST! You have no idea how badly I needed to get out. Things have been so draining lately. I so needed to laugh out loud. Thank you Katie for blessing dinner and my life. It means a lot to me to carry your words in my heart.
I had a break through this weekend. For the first time in a long while, I was able to enjoy something without feeling guilty, or making it about Laurie. I still miss her horribly, but I was able to have fun without that familiar weight on my shoulders... It's as if the inner part of myself (the part in constant communication with Laurie) said "Laurie, not EVERYTHING centers around you. I choose to make this moment my own." I'm sure that to some people this statement seems odd. But, I have to allow room for every emotion. Part of myself needs to be defiant in the face of this much pain. I hope others can understand at some point. Maybe you've been there yourself. Maybe not...
For now I am where I am. I can't rush the grief process. It's two steps forward, nine steps back. At least I'm being honest with myself. That's the best I can do.