My Hands...

I find myself in a new place emotionally yet again. Little bits of warm memories of Laurie are trying to soothe the rough spots on my heart. This morning I was reminded of a time when I gave away a part of myself to Laur. I was 8. She was 4. We were playing together and she said in a cute little voice (not unlike Maya's) "Manny, I like your cute little hands. Can I have them?" And so we traded. For the last 16 years or so, I've had Laurie's hands, and she's had mine.
Over the years we often commented on the swap (on the last day I saw her in fact). We would ask each other how it was going, were we ready to trade back yet, etc. The funny thing though, was that neither of us ever really wanted to trade back. She liked having my tiny, cute, yet rather useless little hands. I liked having useful skilled hands of my own. Having Laurie's hands meant that she took me with her. When she went to Mexico, fed the homeless, held a friend in comfort, entertained the elderly, played the piano, or journaled her heart out, I got to share a small bit of that. And now, in small ways, I'm carrying her with me in my small "princess hands". They may not be as functional, but they're good hands. Hands that comfort. Hands that quilt. Hands to hold when you need a friend. I'm glad she's there with me then. I'm so glad we traded hands...