Was it Worth it?

Laurie,

I know you can't answer this question. I know its like dumping my thoughts out into the void, but I have to ask it anyway. Was it worth it? I know heaven is great and all, but are you really ok with missing out on EVERYTHING? Are your eyes clear now? Can you see past your self these days? I know that you were consumed with LAURIE back in March. What about now? Can you see how you've wounded us all? The people who loved you are forever damaged thanks to your momentary blindness. Yes, we'll survive. People somehow live through these things. We'll move on and think back on you fondly. We'll remember you for who you were in this life. In fact as with most death, we'll probably glorify your memory past what you actually were. I choose to remember the real you. A beautiful, prideful, wonderful, vibrant, selfish, caring, generous, broken, intelligent, and highly stupid person whom I loved whole heartedly. A real flesh and blood woman who I admired and respected. A person so tangled in her own reality, that she couldn't see her way out. A lovely girl who cut her life short for some cruelly unexplained reason. That is who you are in my eyes. Some days I wish I could punch you. Other days I just really want to hug you. I miss your support. I miss your fire. I hate what you've done to the strongest family I know. The worst of all this, is that you can't take it back. I sit and monologue when I's rather have dialogue. You made a choice that leaves me speaking to a void. I can talk and talk. I can scream and yell. It makes not one bit of difference. It's still just me, without you.

Your bewildered cousin,

Mandy